Sunday, 22 January 2017

What Trump said and what he actually meant-Misplaced Sarcasm!

Let's do cha cha cha!
He spoke for around seventeen minutes and twerked his tongue twenty times in his mouth (Now, don’t start counting), but man, this guy was straight as an arrow and he must have sent jitters to some nations as an inaugural gift. I heard his speech thrice (Yes English has always been my problem, don’t judge me) and thought about penning this article straight away. So, let’s break his speech into parts and take some of his statements and try to decode them.

Statement 1: “We, the citizens of America, are now joined in a great national effort to rebuild our country...together, we will determine the course of America and the world for years to come.”

What he means: This country has gone to dogs before I was elected and I will be your Messiah (Inside him: Ya sure!). I am here to stay and you people out there who voted me to be the 45th President of this country will re-elect me again for my work, I know that (Inside him: LOL) and together will take this country to a level where it has never been before (Inside him: Now I can’t stop laughing).

Statement 2: “We are transferring power from Washington DC and giving it back to you, the American People.”

What he means: Yes, yesterday finally I got a chance to see Bane and I instantly connected with him, so yes, I will give back to you, the people of America. I will continue to exploit this “them vs us” theme till I am in the oval office. By the way got the new interiors, come visit sometime.

Statement 3: “This moment is your moment: it belongs to you. It belongs to everyone gathered here today and everyone watching all across America.”

What he means: People who voted me you will be taken care but who didn’t, well, you know how I normally give standing ovation, don’t you? I believe that you should believe that you are in power of this country (Seriously, who created my speech, God, you are funny!)

Statement 4: “Americans want great schools for their children, safe neighbourhoods for their families, and good jobs for themselves….This American carnage stops right here and stops right now.”

What he means: What I said about the smooth transfer of power from one President to another was just a camouflage, I hate this guy and I hate this guy’s policy. Nobel Prize for Peace, Obama Care, who cares, you spoilt this country and now it’s my time (Oops, no, just edit it, sorry). If I could beat McMohan in between a WWE fight, you know how safe the neighbourhood will be.

Statement 5: “We will follow two simple rules: Buy American and Hire American... every decision on trade, taxes, immigration, foreign affairs, will be made to benefit American workers and American families.”

What he means: Do hell with free markets and free trades. Let’s close down WTO, let’s burn all the MOUs we signed for trade. Let’s be a closed economy and by doing this let’s make the world a closed economy. Because if we buy American and Hire American, then Chine will do the same thing, then Japan will do the same thing, then India will do the same thing…err...India will have its own Microsoft, Apple and Google, thanks to the largest chunk of engineers going to TCS, Infosys, Wipro and our companies like Cognizant and Accenture. Bitch!

Statement 6: “We will reinforce old alliances, form new ones and unite the civilised world against radical Islamic terrorism, which we will eradicate from the face of the Earth.”

What he means: The wars are over and let’s take a step forward to build a new alliance. I think Russia will be a good step to start with, after all after the Middle East the only country left with the natural gas resource is Russia. Radical Islamic terrorism, well, I just said that in a flow, it’s like…hmmm…let me sleep over it for some time.

There were other things he said and meant, but I guess these cover the maximum percent of his objectives to stand there and give his wonderfully crafted speech. He didn’t talk about climate change, women’s right (You think he will talk about it?), child care and fighting discrimination. Syria was absent so was his Middle East peacemaking policy. The deportation of illegal immigrants and the wall around the Mexican border was also not talked about.

If you have some suggestions, don’t feel shy away from commenting and also #Discovernewinyou.